You may be wondering why I’m compiling solutions for a game with such a high general valuation of raw entertainment over strategy. I’ve actually found that my enjoyment of this game has started to significantly decrease, and that I really no longer find Cards Against Humanity a worthwhile use of fun time, so I’m just cutting to the chase and looking through all the cards to see what’s the most this game has to offer. Some of these pairings are answers or slight tweaks I’ve seen played in games I’ve been in. The following is not a complete set of “solutions”, in that it exhausts neither the set of black cards nor the set of white cards.
Obviously, if you still enjoy the thrill of Cards Against Humanity, and you consider much of the thrill to be in the shock value of answers, you may want to hold off on reading the rest of the page.
Even more obviously, if you find the game of Cards Against Humanity to be too offensive to watch, you shouldn’t read the rest of this post either.
A recent laboratory study shows that undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to a fetus.
A remarkable new study has shown that chimps have evolved their own primitive version of Auschwitz.
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without a PowerPoint presentation.
Amputees. High five, bro.
And the Academy Award for silence goes to a mime having a stroke.
Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with destroying the evidence.
Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out an Oedipus complex.
Coat-hanger abortions: kid-tested, mother-approved.
Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of Crippling Debt has denied your request for a reason not to commit suicide.
For my next trick, I will pull the hardworking Mexican out of America.
Having trouble with existing? Try oncoming traffic.
Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Open the doors and there is pedophiles.
Honey, Mommy and Daddy love you very much. But apparently Mommy loves child support payments more than she loves Daddy.
I am become the dentist, destroyer of a mopey zoo lion.
I drink to forget alcoholism.
I spent my whole life working toward my first kill, only to have it ruined by John Wilkes Booth.
If you can’t handle the violation of our most basic human rights, you’d better stay away from Cards Against Humanity.
I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend with giving the tumor a cutesy name.
If God didn’t want us to enjoy eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale, he wouldn’t have given us AIDS.
In a world ravaged by foreskin, our only solace is September 11, 2001.
Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children teenage pregnancy.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to smallpox blankets.
Lifetime® presents assless chaps, the story of kids with ass cancer.
My country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of obesity.
Not giving a shit about the Third World + Pretending to care = The American Dream.
Shaft is a slippery slope that leads to balls.
Step 1: Black people. Step 2: Agriculture. Step 3: Profit.
Sunshine and rainbows would be woefully incomplete without the Great Depression.
That’s right, I killed geese. How, you ask? A murder most foul.
The class field trip was completely ruined by this year’s mass shooting.
The most controversial game at PAX this year is an 8-bit indie platformer about a fully-dressed female videogame character.
This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with teaching a robot to love.
This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for 72 virgins.
This month’s Cosmo: “Spice up your sex life by bringing children on leashes into the bedroom.”
TSA guidelines now prohibit survivor’s guilt on airplanes.
What am I giving up for Lent? Altar boys.
What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? Child Protective Services.
What did the US airdrop to the children of Afghanistan? Dying.
What gives me uncontrollable gas? Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
What never fails to liven up the party? An M16 assault rifle.
What really brings out the child in me? A miscarriage.
What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Grandpa’s ashes.
What’s fun until it gets weird? A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to dead parents.
When I was a kid, we used to play Cowboys and Reverse cowgirl.
When I was tripping on acid, fingering turned into finger painting.
When you get right down to it, an unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea is just a windmill full of corpses.
With enough time and pressure, an ether-soaked rag will turn into some god-damn peace and quiet.