Cards Against Humanity: Solutions

You may be wondering why I’m compiling solutions for a game with such a high general valuation of raw entertainment over strategy. I’ve actually found that my enjoyment of this game has started to significantly decrease, and that I really no longer find Cards Against Humanity a worthwhile use of fun time, so I’m just cutting to the chase and looking through all the cards to see what’s the most this game has to offer. Some of these pairings are answers or slight tweaks I’ve seen played in games I’ve been in. The following is not a complete set of “solutions”, in that it exhausts neither the set of black cards nor the set of white cards.

Obviously, if you still enjoy the thrill of Cards Against Humanity, and you consider much of the thrill to be in the shock value of answers, you may want to hold off on reading the rest of the page.

Even more obviously, if you find the game of Cards Against Humanity to be too offensive to watch, you shouldn’t read the rest of this post either.

A recent laboratory study shows that undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to a fetus.
A remarkable new study has shown that chimps have evolved their own primitive version of Auschwitz.
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without a PowerPoint presentation.
Amputees. High five, bro.
And the Academy Award for silence goes to a mime having a stroke.
Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with destroying the evidence.
Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out an Oedipus complex.
Coat-hanger abortions: kid-tested, mother-approved.
Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of Crippling Debt has denied your request for a reason not to commit suicide.
For my next trick, I will pull the hardworking Mexican out of America.
Having trouble with existing? Try oncoming traffic.
Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Open the doors and there is pedophiles.
Honey, Mommy and Daddy love you very much. But apparently Mommy loves child support payments more than she loves Daddy.
I am become the dentist, destroyer of a mopey zoo lion.
I drink to forget alcoholism.
I spent my whole life working toward my first kill, only to have it ruined by John Wilkes Booth.
If you can’t handle the violation of our most basic human rights, you’d better stay away from Cards Against Humanity.
I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend with giving the tumor a cutesy name.
If God didn’t want us to enjoy eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale, he wouldn’t have given us AIDS.
In a world ravaged by foreskin, our only solace is September 11, 2001.
Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children teenage pregnancy.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to smallpox blankets.
Lifetime® presents assless chaps, the story of kids with ass cancer.
My country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of obesity.
Not giving a shit about the Third World + Pretending to care = The American Dream.
Shaft is a slippery slope that leads to balls.
Step 1: Black people. Step 2: Agriculture. Step 3: Profit.
Sunshine and rainbows would be woefully incomplete without the Great Depression.
That’s right, I killed geese. How, you ask? A murder most foul.
The class field trip was completely ruined by this year’s mass shooting.
The most controversial game at PAX this year is an 8-bit indie platformer about a fully-dressed female videogame character.
This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with teaching a robot to love.
This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for 72 virgins.
This month’s Cosmo: “Spice up your sex life by bringing children on leashes into the bedroom.”
TSA guidelines now prohibit survivor’s guilt on airplanes.
What am I giving up for Lent? Altar boys. 
What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? Child Protective Services.
What did the US airdrop to the children of Afghanistan? Dying. 
What gives me uncontrollable gas? Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
What never fails to liven up the party? An M16 assault rifle.
What really brings out the child in me? A miscarriage.
What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Grandpa’s ashes.
What’s fun until it gets weird? A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to dead parents.
When I was a kid, we used to play Cowboys and Reverse cowgirl.
When I was tripping on acid, fingering turned into finger painting.
When you get right down to it, an unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea is just a windmill full of corpses.
With enough time and pressure, an ether-soaked rag will turn into some god-damn peace and quiet.


Pokémon Go Theme Gym Ideas

What’re the themes themselves? That’s for you to figure out.

Bellossom, Slowking, Politoed, Scizor, Porygon2, Steelix

Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan, Marill, Wobbuffet, Chimecho, Sudowoodo

Rhydon, Golem, Omastar, Kabutops, Swampert, Relicanth

Blastoise, Aggron, Shuckle, Jolteon, Claydol, Onix

Solrock, Lunatone, Zangoose, Seviper, Illumise, Volbeat

Pokémon Go: a 0xGG Journey to Level 40 Twice Over

Still zero money spent. Still zero third-party apps. Still 0xGG.

0. Contents [topp]

0. Contents [topp]
1. Introduction and General Statistics [ints]
1a. Preface [egbd]
1b. Level 40 Again [eity]
1c. General Statistics [gens]
2. Gym Statistics [dazz]
2a. Gold Gym Timeline [psyc]
2b. Stats per Gym [hype]
3. Notes [gbdf]
3a. Maintenance of Established Goals and Play Style [zer0]
3b. Thoughts on the Current Gym Coin Reward System [$$$$]
3d. Raid Optimization [3553]
3e. Espeon [4eon]
3f. Cars [4to5]
3g. Squirtle Community Day at Tufts University [shvl]
3h. Screenshots of Notable and Funny Moments [pics]
4. Thoughts on New Gameplay Elements [argh]
4a. Intricacies and Curiosities in Weather [boom]
4b. Nothing Good About It: Utterly Perverting the Concept of Friendship [xxxp]
4c. Devaluation of Rarity [unon]
5. Other Statistics [##%%]
5a. Bag Contents [brry]
5b. Most Represented Pokémon Species by Total CP [++cp]
5c. Catch Rates [%cch]

1. Introduction and General Statistics [ints]

1a. Preface [egbd]

Due to a variety of factors, this is a ridiculously long post, and also took me a ridiculously long time to write (even more the latter, due to factors like getting sick over the course of writing this post). In fact, while writing this post, I’ve earned another over 4.4 million XP above two Level 40s worth of XP, or in other words, almost as much as where I’d make the next post given my pattern (every 5 million XP) so far.


As such, I will not make a 45 million XP update, and I might not even make a 50 million XP update. If I decide to opt out of the latter, see you again at Level 40 times 3, at 60 million XP.

Like my Level 40 post, this post will contain not only the usual deluge of tables and charts, but also plenty of thoughts and opinions on the game (sections 3 and 4).

Use the bracketed entities in section headers with Ctrl+f to quickly navigate to the section you wish to read.

1b. Level 40 Again [eity]

At 1858 on 09-19 (2 minutes before ESP worksession!), I reached 40000000 XP, via spinning the PokéStop for the Alchemist at MIT gym, just southeast of the MIT SIPB PokéStop, the first Stop I spun and the Stop that took me to Level 40. Since Level 40 comes at 20000000 XP, I’ve now accumulated two Level 40 equivalents in XP.

Since that was Day 754 of me playing Pokémon Go, and I reached Level 40 on Day 543, the second 20 million XP took me 211 days.

Here’s a chart of XP over time.


1c. General Statistics [gens]

Here’s a table of general statistics at 12 snapshots in time so far.


Here’s a comparison of the change in quantity of these statistics over the second 20 million XP versus over the first 20 million XP, both in total and normalized per day. Note that Berries Fed at Gyms, Hours Defended at Gyms, Raids Won, and Legendary Raids Won are statistics not available for increasing for much of the timespan of the first 20 million XP.


Here’s this data as a couple of charts.



Here’s a table of total catches per type at these snapshots.


Here’s that as a chart.


Upon level up, all of my Pokémon were fully healed. My six strongest by CP:

Kyogre (CP 3760)
Groudon (CP 3696)
Slaking (CP 3682)
Tyranitar (CP 3670)
Mewtwo (CP 3622)
Ho-Oh (CP 3613)

Continue reading “Pokémon Go: a 0xGG Journey to Level 40 Twice Over”

Two JavaScript Challenges

Challenge 0: Find a value of type number to assign to n such that


evaluates to an array of size 12 containing 4 distinct elements: one appearing 5 times, one appearing 4 times, one appearing twice, and one appearing once.

Challenge 1: Find a value of type number to assign to n such that


evaluates to an array of size 60 containing 14 distinct elements.

Weather Channel, You’re Bored, Go Home

Hurricane Florence Joins the Ranks of Weirdest Hurricane and Tropical Storm Tracks

Were you just looking for something to make a headline?

Pokémon Go: Stats at 35 Million XP

This August 11 (Day 715 of playing), I won a gym battle to reach 35 million XP.

Here’s a chart of XP versus time at level-ups starting with Level 29 and every 5 million XP after level cap.


My buddy at the moment was Chansey.

Gold Gyms

Day numbers in this section reflect days since the motivation-based gym system began.

#1: Alchemist at MIT, on Day 28

#2: Transparent Horizon, on Day 53
#3: Kresge Auditorium, on Day 54

#4: Vine Wall Art At No 6, on Day 82
#5: In Memory of Dorothy P. Simmons, on Day 94
#6: Cosmic Ray Chandeliers, on Day 102

#7: Community of Cambridge Super Awesome Mural!, on Day 137 [removed gym]

#8: Officer Sean Collier Memorial and Plaque, on Day 173
#9: DeWolfe Boathouse, on Day 190
#10: Martin Annis Crossing, on Day 191

#11: Smoot Plaques on Mass Ave Bridge, on Day 213
#12: Miracle of Science, on Day 227
#13: Fort Washington, on Day 241

#14: This is Where We Live Work Create Mural, Day 259
#15: Column of Faces, Day 265

#16: Jimmy Johnson Street Hockey Court, Day 288
#17: Not Art, Day 295
#18: The Apple Tree at MIT, Day 295

#19: Police Memorial, Day 342
#20: Putnam School, Day 351

#21: Danny Lewin Park, Day 387
#22: Cambridge Public Library – O’C, Day 387
#23: Flapper Mermaid, Day 388
#24: Dewey Library, Day 394
#25: Polygon Rope Gym, Day 398
#26: Vellucci Fountain at Cambridgeside Galleria, Day 399

Gym Stats

Here’s a table of my stats at my top gyms. The three columns from left to right are battles won, hours defended, and berries fed.

Orange highlighting indicates where hours defended alone is enough for a gold badge (≥500).
Magenta highlighting indicates where berries fed alone is enough for a gold badge (≥3000).
Tan highlighting indicates where hours defended and berries fed together are enough for a gold badge.


General Statistics




Catch Statistics

Here are my catch statistics for all non-legendary species for which there is no earlier evolution with an earlier Pokédex number. Apparently last time I did this I left out Machop, Bellsprout, and Lapras. My apologies to them; please don’t hurt me. They’re included this time.


Here’s my catch statistics for legendary Pokémon.

Mewtwo: 5/5=100.0%
Mew: 1/1=100.0%
Registeel: 1/1=100.0%

Moltres: 5/6≈83.3%

Articuno: 9/13≈69.2%
Zapdos: 10/15≈66.7%
Entei: 3/5=60.0%

Ho-Oh: 7/16≈43.8%
Kyogre: 9/21≈42.9%
Rayquaza: 10/24≈41.7%
Regice: 5/12≈41.7%
Raikou: 4/11≈36.4%
Latias: 1/3≈33.3%
Groudon: 3/10=10.0%

Latios: 2/11≈22.2%
Lugia: 3/16≈18.8%

Suicune: 0/5=0.0%

Here’s a table and chart over time for common species.




Here’s my strongest Pokémon by CP upon reaching 35 million XP.
Groudon (CP 3696)
Slaking (CP 3682)
Tyranitar (CP 3670)
Mewtwo (CP 3622)
Ho-Oh (CP 3613)
Tyranitar (CP 3612)

(Strongest Pokémon upon reaching 30 million XP)
Tyranitar (CP 3670)
Groudon (CP 3668)
Tyranitar (CP 3604)
Tyranitar (CP 3587)
Ho-Oh (CP 3585)
Rayquaza (CP 3582)

This time, like last time, I actually had quite a few Pokémon not at full health (or even fainted) when I reached this milestone, but this time, it was because I just finished a gym battle.

Bag Contents

Finally, how’s the state of my bag as I reach XP milestones?



Between reaching 30 million XP and reaching 35 million XP, I’ve peaked above 400 of each of Max Potions and Golden Razz Berries briefly.

MIT Buildings, Numbered More Consistently to Their Numbering Patterns

In this map, I renumber some MIT buildings to numbers that more closely follow the helpful geographical patterns in numberings that the rest of the buildings suggest.


Alternative solution: number 10, 20, 30, and 40 as 9, 19, 39, and 49, de-emphasizing that the buildings are on the central axis, but avoiding slight problems with syllable-parsing ambiguity (thirty one-ten versus thirty-one ten).

(ERRATA: W98 should be grey (but I never specified what red and grey are supposed to mean, so I can say this isn’t an error, right?). The ‘k’ hanging out on Memorial Drive shouldn’t be there.)