UPDATE: this information is now presented on a page.
[on average fastest]
1. Telegram (the app)
4. Phone Call (Why would this be slower? Because I may be somewhere I don’t want to take a phone call, that’s why.)
[everything above this line is quite fast, almost always at most 3 hours if I’m awake]
8. Walking to the standard places I am in real life, and physically engaging in conversation, if you live in Cambridge
9. Making field art in Ingress that writes out the message you want to tell me
10. Snail mail
12. Literal telegram
[on average slowest]
What about iMessage? I’m convinced more than half of those don’t successfully arrive or depart.