9 Amazing Life Hacks Most People Keep Secret

1. Ever wanted to get from a room to another room but had a door in the way?

Look for a round protrusion often about halfway up the door on one side, and simply turn it and then pull or push. Often, the door will thus just give way, and you won’t need to take a jackhammer to the door.

2. Did the door still not open when you turned the doorknob?

What a predicament. Fortunately, this can also be gotten around by finally putting that beaker of sulfuric acid you keep in your pocket to use. Apply liberally to door, and it will eventually dissolve and allow you passage, and you still wouldn’t need to take a jackhammer to the door.

3. Like to bake cookies and want to make money, but tired of how little profit you make selling cookies at 1 dollar a cookie?

Sell cookies of half the radius at .50 cents a cookie! Most your customers will be too dumb to realize they’ve been getting ripped off.

4. Want to buy some cookies marked at .50 cents a cookie, but think two quarters is too much for a cookie?

Simply cite your local law mandating that vendors charge customers the lowest of all advertised prices, and point out to the seller that this means they get the cookie for just half of a cent.

5. Want to make money but don’t even know how to bake cookies?

Enter a prediction market on the amount of time people will spend arguing over the legal ramifications of a sign. Everyone else knows nobody would ever spend time arguing over an amount of money that’s less than how much the time spent arguing is worth to them, and you don’t. Oops, you now do.

6. Running as a presidential candidate in the general election and worried about the embarrassment of possibly not winning a single state?

Be the Democratic or Republican nominee instead; then, you can even actively try to screw up your campaign, and there’ll most likely still be some dumb state giving you electoral votes.

7. See something in society you just don’t like?

Do the above, then just win the election. Now just tell Congress what you want changed in society, and before no time your societal problem is fixed.

8. Like having snowball fights, but find that snow always makes your hands cold?

I’m keeping this one a secret. Hey, I said this was a list of hacks most people keep secret; I never said I was any different.

9. Finding that the bouncy house is actually very interfering with your capability to have a quality snowball fight?

Replace it with a windmill; windmills are typically more conducive to snowball fights than bouncy houses while still engaging the airflow manipulation apparatus.

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