On Insulting Donald Trump’s Hair

It seems like making fun of Donald Trump’s hair is a central staple of Trump mockery nowadays (also, for quite a while up to now, but much more notably tedious now). From channel to channel, it seems pundit to pundit has all sorts of different things to say about Trump, but the one thing they agree on is that his hair is a no-go.

…seriously, people? Donald Trump is an overflowing oil rig of terrible ideas and a colossus of pathological views, but the one thing you all share in what you think is notable, that you append universally to your Trump discussions, is that his hair looks stupid. Trying to find an effective relevant slam against Donald Trump is like shooting something that isn’t your friend’s face when you’re hunting. Trump’s hair isn’t the part of Trump that’s going to cause a moment of unnecessary rage to precipitate a nuclear war. That’s in the rest of Trump.

You could have pointed out any of many character flaws that are actually problems, but you decide that now is an okay time to take an exception to judge someone for how one looks. There was all this low hanging fruit, but you’d still rather pluck a molding fruit from the ground. If you wanted to aim lower, you’d start a campaign to degrade popular opinion of Trump by appealing to an argument that what Trump’s ancestral last name is sounds dumb with undertones of propagating the stereotype that the German language is ugly. A fart by any other name would smell as foul. You could try verifying this for yourself if you don’t believe me. Just make sure you maintain the same concentration of reduced sulfur. Consciously remembering this helps you recall the important points.

“But it’s so funny,” you may cry. Maybe it was at some point. Not after everyone and their mother has decided to make fun of the same thing. This horse isn’t just dead, it’s had a heart attack, been poisoned, been driven over, been driver over backwards, been shot, and been driven over forwards again. And if the public decides that this is funny enough to be the thing to pay more attention to than the actual horrors of a potential Trump presidency, well, I guess it’s not really all that inexplicable how this country has so many people who think Trump is a good idea.

So yes, to people who are still fond of insulting Donald Trump’s hair: for shame. You know how to do better. Do better.

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