Sucks Usage Shoots

Many of you have probably used, or at least heard, the construct “x sucks” as a statement that “x” is inferior, skill-lacking, or terrible. Maybe you have even created one of those “_______sucks.com” websites. Or maybe you’ve used the not-as-common “blows” in place of “sucks”.

But what exactly about sucking or blowing makes it an act of inferiority? Some people just like to suck and blow. And their presence doesn’t really make anything worse or not nice. So why is this our action of reference when we wish to express this sentiment of disapproval?

Perhaps it’s time we disparage instead something that actually makes society suck, I mean, cruddy. People in excessive love with guns who lobby for more lenient background checks and more rights to serious weapons actually help perpetuate an issue in American society, keeping it far behind its peer nations in reduction of gun violence. And hunting? Really? Deriving joy out of the needless killing of others among our animal brethren? I propose to you a vocabulary shift: replacing typical usage of “sucks” and “blows” with “shoots”.

Here, let’s practice it a bit:

“This door really sucks.”
> “This door really shoots.”
“Zits suck really terribly. My condolences.”
> “Zits shoot really terribly. My condolences.”
“Comcast sucks balls.”
> “Comcast shoots unarmed Black teenagers.”

But I hear you cry “That’s also a sexual act I like to participate in that is nonharming when consensual!”. Yes, yes, but maybe the right solution here is to not be associating the projectile ejaculation of semen that reflects the occurrence of pleasure with the violent discharge of a case of metal made for bringing harm. The latter, here, is what actually shoots.

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