Zeroth Law of MIT (Third Floor Theorem*)
Buildings connect on the third floor. Even when the buildings are W45 and NW20. If they don’t connect on the third floor, they probably connect on the zeroth.
First Law of MIT (Odd Courses Law)
If a course wants to get big, it needs to make sure its course number isn’t odd.
Second Law of MIT (Dorm Halves Law)
If a dorm consists of two clear halves, the nth floor on one half will have a culture noticeably different from that of the nth floor of the other half, and the difference becomes more drastic as n increases.
Third Law of MIT (Opposite Reaction Law)
To get students to ask for permission before taking an action, post a sign explicitly granting them permission to take that action.
Fourth Law of MIT (Fvck You Law)
Crackdowns on student freedoms are announced during hell weeks, so that students do not have the energy to protest.
Fifth Law of MIT (Five and Thirteen Law)
An abnormally difficult class is indicated by “005” or “13” after the decimal point.
Sixth Law of MIT (Law of Sixes)
Buildings with units digit six line up.
Seventh Law of MIT (77 Law)
There is no bound to the ridiculousness of things protested for outside 77 Mass. Ave.
Eighth Law of MIT (Building 18 Law)
Even though MIT students refer to most buildings by their numbers, many will be utterly clueless as to which one Building 18 is, despite its central location.
Ninth Law of MIT (Sub-Nine Law)
The closer one gets to the Hacking Ethics mural, the more examples of unethical hacking one can witness.
Food service in W20 will be inferior to equivalents of the food service outside W20.
First Law of Tourists at MIT
There is no limit to what a tourist at MIT decides to take a picture of.
Second Law of Tourists at MIT
There is no limit to spatial and temporal complications a tourist at MIT can create.
Third Law of Tourists at MIT
Tourists can be safely expected to not discover floors other than the first floor in most MIT buildings.
Law of MIT Building Naming Creativity
The amount of creativity involved in naming an MIT building is a downward-opening parabola in the distance of the building from the center of MIT.
Law of Atomicity
If you create an organization within MIT, the media and general public will not understand that your organization is not equal to MIT.
Law of Hall Animals
MIT enforces its fish-and-sometimes-cats-only rule for pets on a plausible deniability basis. One should not show the cockroaches and mice on hall.
Law of MIT Stereotypes
Nearly all stereotypes of MIT are false to amusing degrees.
*This is, in a sense, “proven” in a weak form by the fact that it is justified: it allows enough height for nearly all vehicles to move under the connection between two buildings without forcing people who wish to walk inside to change floors too much.