The Less-Nonsense Calendar

The Gregorian Calendar is a horrible logical failure. There’s many reasons why the Gregorian Calendar is more suboptimal than suboptimal:

-The distribution of days in months is ridiculous, and clearly arbitrary. At least the calendar could have been symmetrical, but there just has to be February, a month that clearly developed with insufficient growth hormone. Children have to memorize the awkward sets of days in months in brain cells that could have been used for something else.

-There are seven days in a week. There possibly can’t be a worse choice for the number of days in a week. Having seven days makes it very difficult to plan things for half-weeks, for example.

-The number of days in a week doesn’t divide the number of days in a year (or even the number of days in most months). That means there’s always that annoying frameshift for the next year which means we actually have to print a different calendar each year and have to realize different possible days of the week for a given date.

Fortunately, no one ever told anyone to follow society’s standards, although people for some reason like to be masochistic in terms of the populace. Thus, I’ve developed the Less-Nonsense Calendar, the Dvorak keyboard of intrayear division. The idea for such a calendar started about 18 months ago, and I have gradually developed it further—I have finally felt it is good enough to “publish.”

In the Less-Nonsense Calendar, every year has 366 days, with day 1 corresponding to August 23* on the Gregorian calendar, but usually day 191 (February 29) is left out. This is done as opposed to having 365 days and an occasional extra day because 366 has nicer factors to work with, which means we could put 6 as the number of days in a week, as 6 divides 366. Now, not only is it easy to talk about half-weeks, but one can also talk about third-weeks. Now, there could be 61 weeks in a year, but 61 is a prime number. Thus, we take 6 days out and designate them holidays (“Quidivians”) , so that a year has 60 weeks with 6 holidays that don’t belong in a week. That way, there’s the added bonus that after a holiday one doesn’t have to deal with the weirdness of starting a week on a Tuesday, for example. Each of these 6 Quidivians are separated by a 10-week set, which is the Less-Nonsense equivalent of a month (“Quidivion,” pronounced ending with short o followed by n to distinguish from ‘Quidivian’). Thus, there are 6 Quidivions in a year, just like there are 6 days in a week, which produces a nice self-similarity. Here’s an example of a month.

The months are called Ohe (Gregorian August 24 to October 22), Ihe (G. October 24 to December 22), Swadve (G. December 24 to February 21), Tyrdve (G. February 23 to April 22), Quadve (G. April 24 to June 22), and Vyfdve (G. June 24 to August 22), from Less-Nonsense Twenary. Also, from Less-Nonsense Twenary, there is a nice coincidental isomorphism between the first six Less-Nonsense names for nonnegative integers and the English vowels. Thus, the days of the week are O, I, A, E, U, and Y, and because the number of days in a week divides the number of days in a month, we never have to worry about frameshift. The weeks of a month can therefore naturally go by consonants. Since there’s 10 weeks in a month, we might as well use the base ten names and extract consonants: Z, N, W, H, R, F, X, V, G, and K. (The last one is K because the ‘n’ in “nine” is taken by “one” and K fits well with the other letters).

Each day of the year can now be represented by three characters: a number for the month, a consonant for the week, and a vowel for the day, except for the Quidivians

August 23: 0QD or 0NY (Less-Nonsense New Year)

October 23: 1QD (First Quidivian or Ihdivian)

December 23: 2QD (Second Quidivian or Swadivian)

February 22: 3QD (Third Quidivian or Tyrdivian)

April 23: 4QD (Fourth Quidivian or Quadivian)

June 23: 5QD (Fifth Quidivian or Vyfdivian)

Here’s some examples. March 10 on the Gregorian calendar is in the fourth day, second week of Tyrdve. It is therefore designated 3WU, 3 for Tyrdve, W for second week, and U for fourth day of the week (note this system starts from “zeroth”). April 20 on the Gregorian calendar is 3KE. September 11 is 0HO. February 12 is 2GA.

(Now, if only people could actually understand me when I use this system. That’s a long way to go. =P)

Of course, my main point is to point out that conventions are very frequently silly. I would definitely encourage others to develop their own calendars if they find some way to arrange the days of the year cleverly. There’s way too many things that other people hand to us that we just believe on impulse; in fact, almost all of the standards there are in society are stupid—QWERTY keyboard, the international language being English, the way books are printed, etc. They’re there to be fixed, and thus, we might as well fix them.

*[EDITED] The usage of August 23 as New Year has been deprecated.


2 thoughts on “The Less-Nonsense Calendar”

  1. Interesting. How do you deal with “normal” years (since the period of Earth’s revolution is shorter than 366 days)? Take out a Quidivian?
    You’re going to have to explain Rhyzyxian Twenary.

  2. The day is simply skipped, going directly from 3ZY to 3NI. The hole is much better than the weird holidays of the Gregorian calendar.

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